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"the waiting is the hardest part" - the new sincerity [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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"the waiting is the hardest part" [Aug. 1st, 2011|02:45 pm]
[Current Mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[Current Music |tom petty, obvs.]

again i find myself waiting for test results, this time to see if the dysplasia is clearing up, as it seemed to be last time. or if the combination of qualifying exam stress (and the attendant late, late nights and shameful amounts of red velvet cake) and prednisone for another condition i've been fighting were enough to set me back.

my doctor should be calling sometime this afternoon. and what is so hard about this is how much other stuff hangs on what she tells me, not least of all my chance to move overseas in the fall and begin my research on the ground.

of course, i'm also waiting for news about opportunities to fund said research. it doesn't look as though my "alternate" status for the Boren Fellowship will change anytime soon. and i am waiting...and waiting...and waiting to hear back about the teaching job at the American University of Beirut. i'll be calling the English Dept. chair late tonight to see if we can touch base. and there may be a freelance gig in denmark! but that's not for sure, either, and i'll probably have to figure out the greencard sitch there if it pans out.

in short: so much of my life is out of my control at this moment, and i am having a really, really hard time with that today. i know that the sense of control we feel over our own lives is mostly an illusion anyway. today it just seems particularly unmanageable.


EDIT: test results are in. NORMAL!! normal for the first time in two and a half years!! HOORAY!! oh happy happy day. :)

[User Picture]From: countlibras
2011-08-02 01:44 am (UTC)
yay for normal test results!
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